So this is definitely not a very serious post. I decided to share my rare ability of accidentally killing many animals with my car. I actually remember every animal I've ever hit, because as an animal lover each one is traumatizing, but the evil person in me finds some of them funny. Animal incidents in as best of order as I can remember. Also, on another note some stories the animal lived or was never hit.
Animal #1 The Bird of Peace
I have a '95 Chevy Blazer, so I drive a tank. I was driving down my road in my hometown (note I live in an area where there is woods everywhere)with a friend when a flock of doves flew in front of my car and I didn't have enough time to stop and managed to hit one. The next thing I know is there are feathers flying everywhere and my friend is screaming that I killed the bird of peace. I was never brave enough to remove the dead bird from the grill, because I do not like touching animal bones. So I waited until my dad got back from a hunting trip to remove it and ran when he tried to show me the bird.
Animal #2 Baby Deer
This is one I almost hit, but was glad I didn't. Once again driving down the same road and I saw a female deer bound across the road and then a little fawn following suit. I managed to slam on brakes as the fawn stopped to stare as my car came towards it. I stopped within about 6 feet of the fawn and it looked frozen. It then came out of it's trance and then tried to run from my car. My guess was it was a newborn because it ran in place for a second and fell to the ground then got back up and ran after it's mother.
Animal #3 Giant Cat of Doom
This is another one that I almost hit and an animal that I have never seen in the roads since then. Again going down my street, I was going slower than usual because of a cement truck going down the road. While I was waiting for it to pull into the cement plant, something large jumped unto the hood of my car. It turned around and it was a fairly large bobcat. My response was, maybe if I drive forward (slowly of course) it will jump off. Nope that just made it angry. So my next response was to swerve in the road until it either jumped off. (Note: I was screaming the whole time) The bobcat eventually slid off the hood and I went flying down my road as fast as my car could go screaming with my windows down. Yes... for some odd reason getting the cat off my car was more important than rolling up the windows.
Animal #4 Deer Stampede
This one actually hit my car, it lived through this experience. I was leaving work at a store on the beach. While stuck in traffic there was a huge stampede of deer came running out of a very hoity-toity (ritzy/fancy) neighborhood and went wild. A huge buck took off my mirror and sent it flying onto someones car. The surprising thing is that no deer was hit during the stampede, but there were a bunch of wrecks to avoid them.
Animal #5 Flying Ninja Turtle
I was travelling towards the beach on a road that is about 55 mph (89km/h) and knowing me then was scared to speed I was probably driving right at the speed limit. At some point I see an object in the road and it wasn't until I came right up on in did I notice it was a turtle. The next thing I know if that I hit it and at some point went flying into the air and ended up in a nearby ditch. I have no idea if it lived and I was too scared to check on it for the fear that it would somehow attack me if it was alive.
Animal #6 Is That an Ottoman in the Road?
Once again, I am back on my street, but now I have my '02 Volkswagen Jetta. I was travelling down the road at night and my high beams caught something large and white in the road. I then slowed and put on my brakes and saw what I thought to be a white ottoman in the road and it turned out to be the largest possum I've ever seen. It turned it's head and hissed at me. My response was to go around and sped down the road for the fear of it being fast enough to chase my car.
Animal #7 Was That a Real Deer?
While I was in college, I was living class around 10pm and there was a sign saying "Construction! Speed Limit 35 mph" " Violators will be fined $250." So I decided to go about 30 just to be safe because there were a bunch of potholes and no lighting in the area. While I was travelling I happened to see a bunch of deer cross in front of my car and I miss all until one still walks in front of my car while I was braking. I notice it's eyes get real big and when my car hits it, it falls over like a plastic lawn ornament deer. I end up with a busted headlight and the deer pops back up like nothing happened and goes on it's merry way.
Animal #8 Dumb ass Squirrels
While driving my work vehicle I saw a squirrel run across the road and my co-worker Chris said, "Don't you dare kill us over a squirrel!" So I keep driving forward. I notice the squirrel make it across the street, but then it for some odd reason it runs back into the road and right in front of my tire. My only guess was it was either stupid or suicidal. I probably hit two more squirrels with that car, but they are unimportant. Also because my supervisor was such an animal lover she would yell at me for hitting any animal.
Animal #9 The Great Possum Incident of 2012
So it was dark and raining and my co-worker also known as Carlos Spicyweiner or Theodore Turkilton was riding in the car with me. While leaving an area I hit a large already dead possum in the road. According the Carlos, I hit it with a vengeance and that it was probably still alive and that I finished the job. He then came up with a scenario that the possum had babies hiding in the near by bushes and that they were going to die for lack of a mother or that they were going to stalk me and get their revenge. I was laughing so hard at his story that I was crying.
Carlos' version of the story:
It was an unusually dark night. A steady and light rain had coated the streets with dreary haze. Possumkiller had that look in her eyes. The blood lust was becoming to much for her, she must take a life or her mask of sanity would finally slip. We were traveling back to campus at breakneck speeds. Possumkiller disregarded the speed limits signs like a fat kid disregards a nutrition label. In the haze, the sullen form of a possum appears in the middle of the road. Only a brief instant could tell you that it was lost, hungry, and cold. It only wanted to cross the road with its meager hope of finding shelter. Possumkiller sees the creature and accelerates. Her eyes go wide and she starts speaking Latin backwards. She strikes the possum with such a massive force that its very molecules were torn asunder. We speed away, Possumkiller maniacally laughing in her victory as the young possum babies sulk into the street to mourn their fallen mother.
Note: I was not speeding nor was I intentionally trying to hit the possum. I do know latin though...
Animal #10
Last week, I was in my hometown driving down the same road at night and deicded to drive slower just to be safe. Once again before I could stop I hit a possum and sent it rolling into the ditch. My only response was to close my eyes and cringe as I hit it. I have now decided that I am cursed!
On a different note:
This is just to share a friends bad luck involving deer. In a 2 month period she hit three deer with a vengance. One so bad that it was stuck under her car and as she was going down the road she was dragging it. She then decided to swerve down the road to try to get it out from her car and screaming the whole time. She told me she dragged the deer for about a mile down I-40 until it finally came out from under her car. No idea how fast she was going when she hit it or when she was trying to get rid of the deer.
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